I missed him so. I jus wanna see him. I jus wanna hear his voice again.
Why did I make things turn out this way? Why mus I go to such extent?
I irritated him on purpose. I knew he hated it most.
I donno wad I want. I donno wad will I gain by doing that.
I simply donno why the hell did I do that.
This time was really horribly terrible. There's no turning back.
*damnit.
i caused a bruise on my left leg.
*Yes. Its been over so so so long ago but I chose to live in my make-believe world. Everything says and shows tat we are impossible already but I still think tat he will come back eventually. Jus bcos he din make a clear cut and all along I was jus deceiving myself.
Finally he said those words tat am dread to hear of but still I wish to hear. And I have to. I knew its impossible already but I jus wanna hear it from him personally to convince myself tat he's already the past. I was mentally prepared? It wasnt hurting enuff? Or am already numbed? I actually din feel a thing. I jus sat there. My mind was totally blank. I donno wad to do. I jus followed my heart.
Wad has Time done to me all this while? Where did those feelings go?
Where has all the pain gone to? Wad am i feeling?
"Over is over. Don pin any more hopes."
Don I get it? Am jus so stubborn and dumb.
He made me felt so much. Realised so much. Tasted all kinds of feelings tat I hav never tasted till I met him. It was as if I took a rollercoaster ride. Be it the sweetness of bliss, happiness, heartbreaks, lost, breakdowns, hopeless, agony, the mixture of love and hatred, jealousy and possessiveness tat made one so unreasonable, senseless. As time goes by, I lost my true self unknowingly. Whenever am infront of him, I wud put up a brave front, act as if I don giv a damn about him, trying to prove to him tat am better off without him. I don like it this way. Am jus saying and acting the opposite of the way I wanted to be. I felt so contradicted.
Many times I tried to break contact wif him but I never succeed. I tot so long we keep a far good distance, I wud get over him eventually and learn to love and be loved again but it wasnt that case. I tried to but I felt so guilty and miserable doing so. In the end, I distanced myself away.
I don deny tat he still holds an important place in my heart and noone else cud replace him. Forgetting someone is never easy. I wont force myself to forget him nor deceive myself anymore. But at least I will face the reality tat he had moved on already. I know I will miss him much but I wont pin anymore false hopes on him again. There's no more reason for me holding onto a lost love.
Said is always easier than done. I cant possibly forget everything jus bcos of wad he said but its only a matter of time. I hav always believe tat Time can do wonders.
After so much, I still tink tat am very blessed. Especially when I know tat at least there are frens whom I can find comfort from, a shoulder to cry on and a hug when I need it. Hearing advices and consolations can only make oneself feel better but in the end its only me who can help myself to stand up again. My dear frens are always there to make me feel so much better and lend me a listening ear. I jus felt so loved and fortunate to hav them. Especially my
Flingy and
petpet Chimpy. They are so sweet. You can taste blissfulness in different forms if you know how to appreciate it. And for the
very first time, I tink tat
Da tou is nice. He left me a deep impression. Am starting to appreciate this fren of mine thou he has a freaking evil mouth.
I jus wanna Cherish the Moments.
The girls. My projects mates
Us acting cute. LOL
Guess this gonna be the last full group photo
Mr. O'brien. The one whose lecture can make me fall asleep in class
Am gonna miss you guys much. *loves*
Da S posing for the SIM next top model. MUAHAHAH
Needless to intro. Frequent appearance in my bloggie
Capturing the moments
DMS wouldn't be fun without them
Pain~ *whines*
