Tiring day...

Had so lil sleep but long day in sch.. Rushing my assignments.. Stayed till 9pm doin SWEN.. den went for dinner wif Froggy & co... shud reali count myself lucky to haf jH.. helpin me wif all da assignments.. phEw~ Else im gonna faint dere le.. So lost wif all da stupig classes, sequence n vopc diagrams.. *my mind is completely blank n clueless on wad to do* da bian~

Found out something which i wished i'd never noe but i noe i wud wan to noe.. was on da verge of crying.. controlled myself.. my mind was in a whirl.. i felt so tired.. felt as if im torn into pieces.. but im juz too tired to tink bout anything.. too tired to pretend tat im moving on.. too tired to lie to myself tat im letting go.. too tired to find reasons for myself to be happy.. too tired to purposely kip myself busy so tat he will not be on my mind.. im juz simply emotionally worn-out..
Something which i haf been worried n afraid of since da day im wif him..
Something which made me gib him attitude out of da blue..
Something which i hoped it will end my doubts n agony n shorten my pain but i prayed hard tat it will never affect our relationship..
Something which made me feel so insecure n he tinks tat i dun trust him at all.. its not tat i dun trust him.. I wan to gib him my 101% trust.. but.. dere's alwaz a thing or two which happened made me in doubt.. After pondering for quite some time, i guessed i knew wadz da prob wif me.. somehow or rather.. I juz lacked of self confidence when im wif him.. Gave myself too much restraints.. Gave myself unnecessary pressure.. Afraid of losing him any moment.. Afraid tat he'll change any moment..
And now i nid not tink of these anymore.. da thing tat im afraid will happen has happened but i wished tat it had never ever happened.. I haf lose him for good.. For everything tat had happened which led to dis breakup were da consequences of my own doings..?

因為太愛你 所以那麼在意 常常­胡思亂想 漸漸的 我在你的­面前 也不禁失去­ 原來的自己
在我眼裡 我卻只能看到你 在這宇宙裡 沒有任何東西 可以取代 或比你­重要
如果和你在一起有一個期限­ 那一定是比永遠多一天。。。
現在的我 只感受到痛 就只有活在回憶裡 才會感受愛 感受快樂 感受幸福
現在的你 變得很­陌生 很冷淡 已不是我曾經 深愛著的那小笨蛋 而是世上最熟悉的­陌生人。。。

Juz when i wanted to tell him so much.. i was too late.. too slow to noticed da change in him..
Somethings are beta left unsaid afterall..
Seeing da situation now, it wont make any difference anyway..
Half of me wans to let go.. Another half me is hoping for a miracle to happen..
Contradicting.. ya.. i dunno wad i wan exactly..
im searching for an answer n exploring my inner self..
Well, if dis is da happiness he's lookin for... *smiles*

2nd Feb Wednesday
I skipped WBAT lab n SWEN tut.. but i only intended to skip da lab cos its sooo early.. 8AM and i've not been sleeping well da past week.. well~ finally i did.. i slept for 10 longg hours.. but i missed my SWEN tut.. i only knew tat when i woke up n replied froggy's msg n he said im late.. very late.. checked my timetable.. uh-oh.. 11am got tut.. haha.. but nvm.. cos first time skip.. so i took my time preparing den off to sch.. hee.. BBFin lessons is so exciting.. -.- da relief tutor kip shooting me lo.. called me more den 3 times to answer qns.. cos i was sitting in a corner trying to catch some sleep.. haha.. bei fa xian sia..

1st Feb Tuesday
Went early to sch to wrap off my CSAD phase 1.. was rushing like mad.. STRESSED for tat moment.. luckily its only for tat particular moment else im reali goin bonkers.. feeling very very sleepy.. i dozed off a few times during intrEcons.. my dearie Mag oso lo.. We were like taking turns dozing off in class.. jokes~ tink da teacher witnessed tat too but lucky she din embarrassed us..
After sch went to mit lw to get da VCDs from him.. finally can continue watching Ah Nan De Xiao Qing Ren.. sure think of him again de.. da first 4 discs i watched it wif him.. He din finish da show afterall..
We had dinner at KFC.. very ceng.. Actually intended to haf waffle ice-cream at Gelare cos Tuesday is Waffle Day.. but too bad.. i dun wanna make my stomach explode.. Jeselle good lo.. Ever since tat day she haf been having it every week WITHOUT fail.. g0sh.. she's more hard core den me.. haha.. beta still.. another waffle kaki.. *gRins*
lw: paiseh leh.. Energy level is low tatz y quieter n less hyper den usual.. Liddat oso good for u la.. Else if i alwaz so crazy u sure cannot take it.. lol.. he oso good lo.. whole nite kip listening to my rubbish.. kip mentioning him thou ya tried very hard to console n suggesting ways for me to zi wo an wei.. not on purpose de.. juz tat it reali hooked up alot of memories of him n me.. those happy moments together.. *smiles* din noe lw can be so zi lian leh.. bu cuo mah.. hehe..

OK.. im gonna be a panda in sch.. staying in sch till 9pm again.. madness..