It doesnt matter anymore

So much feelings bottled up inside and i nidda vent it all out..

For da past 2 weeks.. My emotions are so unstable. Unpredictable. I may be laffing dis moment and tearing da nex moment. Oh b0y.. Its driving me mad. Cant even control myself. Tinks are getting beta now after all da advices and long toks. Come to tink of it, wad am goin thru now is all bcos of my obstinacy.

Well.. But i definitely dun deserve all dis from U. Wad wrong haf i done to receive all dis craps from U?! U din even bother to tell me. U jus kept silent. Till da extent tat i wondered if u still rmb my existence. I've been self-consoling myself for da state we're in now. Maybe ya contradicted now. Maybe u dun wanna hurt me no more. And u gotta make a choice. A choice which u yaself dunno if u will ever regret in future. Notink from u for da past 3 days. I supposed today will be da fourth day too. Are u giving yaself time to tink bout us? Or so happily happily enjoying yaself? And u jus gonna kept me dangling in da middle of nowhere for all u like? Its so tiring to guess wads actually on ya mind. Wadeva ya choice is, thou i noe da outcome gonna be a negative one, dis time round am gonna accept it. Its jus only a matter of time when u gonna initiate it again. Not gonna react like how i did for da past 2 times. Its useless and pointless. Only a fool wud make da same mistake twice. I was. But i wont allow myself to be a fool again. Perhaps u were right in da past tat we're not meant to be but i wasnt convinced. For da past few days, i've been tinking back.. So much memories of us.. Replaying and replaying on my mind. Be it happy or sad. Those were da days.. Da times on how we gotta noe each other and got together eventually. Stupig-idiot smses and mms. Late nite chats on msn. Mac tv. McCafe @ ecp. Love contract. Gu dan bei ban qiu. My 19th bday. Ya kun toast. 150904. Somerset. Tatty e-cards. Ur warm hugs. Sweet lil'morning smses which never failed to brighten up my day. Lil'encouragement wheneva dere's exams or tests. Midnite movies @ tm. 100 ferrero rocher. Sakae sushi. Changi. Our first month. Ben. Dan. Tattyland. And i loved wednesdays ever since.

I realised all dis time i was so naive. I tot we can go back to wad we were during da 4mths togther. Those were da happiest moments of my life. It was like a fairytale tat happened to me. In actual fact, we werent like before and will never be da same again. It was da old U whom i've been waiting and missing all along. Sadly, he never came back and will never be back ever since he walked away da very first time. People reali do change. U and me are no exceptions. We haf changed too. U haf successfully convinced me tat we are not meant to be afterall and it will never gonna work out for us. For all da pain u gave reali taught me alot. Ur da one who held me up and let me fall again and again. Wad u said in msn da day before we got back again is so irony. I dun feel secure. I dun get attention from u. U've got a new lifestyle and simply enjoying it. We dun haf basic mutual communication.

So glad tat Tattyland once existed. It will be one of my important chapters learnt in life. Thanks for everytink. Everytink.