Vicious cycle

Sometimes when I choose to keep quiet, not because it doesn't matter. But what's the point of voicing it out? Even if so, it might not work out anyway. Yes. I know it's not always the case for all. But I'm sick and tired of going through all the crap again and again. It's a cycle. Maybe some kind of persistent flu virus that bug you for some time. Getting yourself in some crap. Then got all so troubled over it. And you keep thinking about it. Thinking of all the 'what-ifs', 'what's-nots', 'if-onlys' and blah blah blah. The possible solutions, consequences or maybe you even thought of running away from the problem. That's not all. There's side effects like losing appetite or sleep. Or maybe even cry yourself to sleep. Wake up and the first thing that came to your mind was the "problem" and your day repeat itself again.

Then at one point of time you start questioning yourself, "Why should I be the one going through all the emotional and mental torment? Do I deserve all these?". No. You think that you don't deserve all those but you still continue to let yourself drown in sorrow. Then here comes the struggle between the heart and mind. The mind is usually more rational but the heart gets all stubborn and doesn't listen to the mind.

And, I haven't even mention the part when your friends come in. They lend you a listening ear, console and give advices. You know they meant well. But you just ignore it. And you start to rant all over again and again and again for 971346285 times. And your bestest friends go over the process with you again and again and again. Aren't our friends great? That's what are friends for!

Do such symptoms happen to you, be it friendship/relationship problems? Just only visualising the whole process, I'm sick of it already. But you just can't get outta this. Unless, you don't feel a thing. That's part and parcel of life.